An Internship of God’s Unfailing Love
In a meeting with Jay, Karl, and Devan we talked about this week’s challenge of physical well-being; Jay described my body being “unbroken.” Yes, the truth is right now as a 22-year-old vegetarian my body is “unbroken.” But who is to say that in 10 years if I continued to eat processed and chemically filled food and drink sugary sodas that my body would not become broken. My family line has a long history of diabetes, heart disease, strokes, breast cancer, cataracts, depression, etc. I choose to recognize now the importance of protecting the only home (my body) that my soul dwells in. Instead of waiting 10 years and start seeing the same failing health that my mother started experiencing in her early 30’s, I choose now to start protecting what God has been forming for 22 years. I have five nieces and in May I just saw the oldest one Harmone graduate pre-school and I would like to be around long enough to see all of them grow up.
To begin this journey of physical well-being I have set up several long-term goals for exercise, sleep, and dieting. Along with Jay’s challenge of walking four miles a day (which I am getting a slow start at) I would also like to be physically at a point where I can hike Miracle Mountain from start to finish in one day. A sleep goal is to be in bed by 10-10:30 (which is usually my bed time) but I have a hard time getting to sleep my brain does not want to shut off until 2-3 am then waking up at 7am I am exhausted. I have consulted three different doctors and tried everything they suggested and nothing works so I am up for suggestions! My dieting goal is cut out one boxed/processed food a week and replace it with a new vegetable along with eating more fresh fruits and vegetables. I think of goals as a checklist or a job and I cannot stop or quit until the job is done and I am victorious. So I expect myself to succeed and then take my goals one step farther.
Also something else that I have been working on is taming my tongue and my anger (which both exist within each other) this might fall under emotional or mental but this has been a constant struggle for me since Jr. High. These past two weeks this ugly demon has surfaced itself and I have been reading scripture and praying to be set free. “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” John 8:32.
I have spent a good deal of time reading, completing spiritual gift inventories, and personality tests this week. Now I know myself better and what jobs I can complete better. Who I can work best with and whom I cannot work well with. From humanmetric.com I have completed their quiz and cultivated the idea that I am an ISTJ: Introvert: 56%, Sensing: 1%, Thinking: 1%, Judging: 11%. From the control drama pdf I am assessed with the help of Jay and Lesa that I fit in with Intimidator/fact group but get along with Aloof because I have an introvert personality. But the most intriguing to me was learning what my spiritual gifts were from churchgrowth.org and buildingchurch.net. On both quizzes I scored highest on Serving and Administration. Serving as described by churchgrowth.org, “Spirit-given capacity and desire to serve God by rendering practical help in both physical and spiritual matters. You enjoy meeting the practical needs of your fellow Christians and the Church…” And Administration described by the same site as, “Has the responsibility to bring a ship into harbor through the rocks and shoals, under all types of pressures. And an administrator you have the gift of capacity and desire to serve God by organizing, administrating, promoting, and leading the various affairs of the Church.” Other spiritual gifts that I scored high on from buildingchurch.net are: Faith, Giving, Helps, and Voluntary Poverty. Buildingchurch.net provided scripture for each spiritual gift that explains the gifts and biblical figures that also have these spiritual gifts. All of this information I have recorded in the notes section of my bible to refer to in the present and future.
I am grateful to God for giving me the funds and opportunity to be able to come to West Virginia and becoming a part of the Community Crossing. Being challenged and stretched by the land, people, situations, and the five areas: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and social is exactly the kind of structure and learning opportunity I have been wanting to experience. Overall goal is to grow and learn why God has sent me here and my expectations are to build everlasting relationships with the staff and the community and better know God here. I hope to take away relationships and a better relationship with God while improving my work ethic and myself. Some places in my life need incremental growth but overall I would like a complete transformation in the five areas. A huge obstacle I have been challenged by my whole life is my anger. Slowly through the patience of God, prayer, and scripture my anger is slowly being subdued and today my anger is not as bad as it was in Jr. High and High School. But I still have a long way to go before I have the life and peace with God. “For those who are according to the flesh set their minds of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace” Romans 8:5-6.
Something that has been weighing heavy on my heart since my last year at Olivet is where I am going or where am I being called to by the Lord. Most of my friends and roommates at Olivet have their answer from God and have their calling. My heart longs for traveling and to see the world but my heart is lost to where God wants me, lost to where God wants me to serve Him and His people. Or am I just blind and deaf to the Lord and missed my calling? I have been reading Psalms everyday for devotion and earlier this week I read Psalms 13, “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me…” Psalms 13:1-2 is a description of how I have been feeling for over a year. But to some relief the rest of Psalms 13 reads, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me” God has been really really good to me my whole life and I know that now I might not have an answer right now but I do have a future as long as I trust in God’s unfailing love.